


I’m Sick With Lovin’ You

by lover_of_blue_roses



Series: Stockings 2019 [14]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Dork Lovers Server Stocking 2019 (Queen), M/M, Sick Brian, Sick Fic, determined to push himself brian, just post hepatitis, pre ulcers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_of_blue_roses/pseuds/lover_of_blue_roses
Summary: Brian has been give a clean bill of health from the hospital so what's wrong with him? He doesn't have time to be sick, he's just being a burden to Queen as they try to finish this album. And even if he was ill Roger and Freddie have started a relationship so he mustn't be needy.
Relationships: Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon & Brian May & Freddie Mercury & Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, preslash - Relationship
Series: Stockings 2019 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576186
Comments: 16
Kudos: 60
Collections: DL Stockings 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Stocking for Zee

Brian was pretty sure he was just dead weight at this point. He had been out of commission for nearly two months with Hepatitis, he almost lost his arm, and now he's feeling sick again. So he has to power through this session, the boys have been so good to him cranking out so much of this album. Deaky had even written his debut, he just needed to do his part now. 

But that was easier said than done. His head was spinning and he felt faint and nauseous. He wasn't sure why, or what could be wrong with him this time. His stomach had been hurting on and off for the last few days, so he thought it might have been something he ate. He was feeling so nauseous that he hadn't been able to eat and since then he'd been feeling lightheaded and dizzy. But he just needed to get through this. The studio was booked for another three hours, if he stopped being such a sissy, he could do this. 

He locked his knees and braced himself as he did his best to finally contribute to the band. He had sacrificed so much to be part of them, his education and his relationship with his father fresh in his mind, he had to make it work. They had been off to such a promising start, but then Brian's illness had forced them to cut their tour of America short and now they had been unable to produce the album.

He could feel the sweat collecting at his collar. Just a few more hours, he could do this.

-

When those hours were done, their time in the studio and with the techs was over. So theoretically, Brian could finally go and have a lie down. He had laid down as many of the needed guitar tracks as he could. Only Freddie had asked him if he had written all the guitar parts for the next two songs. To which the answer was a big fat no. But Brian couldn't say that, especially not to Freddie.

If he told Freddie he was ill, he had no doubt that their singer would tell Brian to rest up. But he was confined to a hospital bed for nearly two months and he's had enough of being the anchor weighing the whole band down. 

When Freddie had first started hanging around Smile, Tim would rather have gone without the advice and critiques, but Freddie easily became friends with Roger. Roger was outgoing, beautiful, and so capable of making Freddie laugh and have a good time. It was little wonder then that he wouldn't have time for Brian. But Freddie made time regardless. He showed enthusiasm for Brian's sound and songwriting and he seemed genuinely interested when Brian told him about astrophysics, not because Freddie cared for the sciences, but because he could tell how much it meant to Brian. 

And Brian, well... Freddie was so funny, determined and excitable. Where Roger was burning rage, Freddie was sizzling passion. Freddie truly believed in himself and in them as a band. Brian knew they couldn't have made it this far without him. Freddie could even help take them to greater heights... if it weren’t for Brian. Brian was keeping them back and holding them down. If only he could kick this fatigue. The hospital had given him a clean bill of health, he was just being weak.

Which is why tonight, rather than maybe getting some shut eye or dedicating himself to making a soothing meal that he might be able to stomach, he's going to make Freddie proud. So he stays up and writes his parts. They've already laid down the vocals and other parts on master tapes that Brian can study to see what will best complement their visions. 

He goes home to their shared flat and sets himself up on their tape deck with headphones. Having three, now four, songwriters in their band is interesting especially because they come from such different musical background and have such unique sounds. He hopes what he is making sounds good, he's so close to it, he can't even tell anymore. Writing music is hard enough without the pounding in his head and the feverish burning in his body. The hours have all blurred together, although he can see it is now dark outside when he gets up from their couch. 

The room wobbled and he desperately grabbed onto the couch. That was a bad idea, his head was spinning like crazy, he clearly needed to eat something and yet his stomach rebelled at the very thought. He gently set Red back in her case; he's learned the hard way not to place her on the couch were anyone might accidentally sit on her. 

He moves slowly, tracing an arm along the wall in case he needs something to put his weight on. The 'good' news is their flat is tiny and within a few steps, he is in their kitchen/dining room. He's surprised to see John there. Deaky, normally an early bird, tended to go to bed early. "Done?" Deaky questioned as he raised a single eyebrow without lifting his eyes off of his book.

"Yeah, was the noise keeping you up? Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, you just got out of the hospital. When could you have possibly had time to write?" There's an odd, awkward silence. Brian thought they had gotten over those when Freddie had brought the feisty bassist out of his shell. "There's water left in the kettle, if you want to make yourself a cuppa."

"Cheers," Brian acknowledges as he turned the burner on and readied himself a cup. He also grabbed a regular glass to see if even sipping at some water made his stomach roll. 

Deaky's voice started again, but this time much quieter and softer. "It wasn't the noise... I was just a little worried about you -all of us are- so I thought I could do my reading out here."

Brian is touched but also... he didn't fully believe Deaky. "Could have left your door open." The flat had two bedrooms. Deaky and Freddie shared the one closest to their communal rooms, while Brian and Roger's were on the bathroom side. 

"Mm, yes," John awkwardly clears his throat and Brian turns away from the kettle he is watching. John looks like he has bad news and Brian is right, "Well you see, while that would normally be true but Roger has asked to switch for tonight."

At first Brian was crushed. Is he really that much of a burden? Why didn't Roger say something to him? He set the glass down on the counter with a thump. He had tried his best to be quiet last night when he got up to vomit. He couldn't help but droop like a wilting flower as he leaned his weight against the counter. His heart sunk so much that stars are dancing in his vision. Maybe he would throw up what tiny amount he just drank. 

"I- I see."

They mope in the thick silence before John spoke up, "I guess... It was probably only a matter of time." Brian can't help the tears that form in his eyes. Even shy Deaky who joined last (both the band and songwriting) sees Brian as the weakest link. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't crushed by that. "They are clearly so close-" Wait what? 

He doesn't know if he understood that or even how to take it. He turned around to see John looking morosely down at the pages of his book. The good news is Roger isn't explicitly done with him. The bad news is-"I- are Roger and Freddie fucking in your bed?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Why don't you say that any louder?" John questioned as his grip on the book tightened, but Brian can see him blushing. Brian just realised they had been speaking in hushed tones but he blurted that at full volume. Deaky shrugged as he hunched over, "I don't know exactly what they are doing, or how far they have gotten, but I just... I just wish them the best."

It's clear that even if John does mean that he's hurt inside. Hell, he's even sniffling. It's not homophobia, they've all proven themselves to be accepting. No, it's something harder to overcome than trained bigotry. Love. Brian had long suspected that he wasn't the only one to have a crush on Freddie, after all, what was there not to love? With Roger, it had been obvious from the beginning. With John, it had been slower to grow but all the more beautiful to blossom. Brian had hoped he was at least a little circumspect with his affection.

And Freddie was so kind in return. He made no move to string them along but it was in his nature to be kind, thoughtful, and attentive. Brian doesn't know how he and Deaky could ever get past this and not grow to resent Roger. 

Brian bounced himself off the counter he was leaning against, taking a step forward to go and comfort John, but that was when his legs gave out from under him. "Ah-oof!" Brian cried out as he stumbled and caught himself against the parallel counter. Good thing their kitchen was tiny or Brian could have crashed to the ground.

For the first time since Brian had arrived in the kitchen, Deaky looked up as he rushed to Brian's aid. "Oh my God, Brian are you okay? You look so pale." Deaky had him by the arm and was trying to get him to his feet, but Brian just couldn't find the force. Instead he carefully laid down on the cool kitchen tiles. Now if only the room would stop spinning. 

John was clearly completely freaked out and called for the boys. Were they going to have to call for an ambulance? Again? 

Brian could swear he only blinked, but when he opens his eyes, Roger and Freddie were standing over him. He wasn't sure if he lost some time or if he's just that out of it. Their voices sound like they’re coming from far away and he tried to focus. "I just," he tried to get his tongue around the right words, "I just haven't eaten, I'm fine."

"Fine?" Deaky questioned skeptically. 

"Haven't eaten? What, all of today?" Freddie asked as they manage to lift and maneuver Brian's dead weight back into lying on the couch. Good thing Red isn't there. 

Brian doesn't look Freddie in the eyes as he mumbled his answer. "Bri tell me, when was the last time you ate something substantial?" 

Brian just mumbled something under his breath and then tried to actually defend himself, "My stomach has just been a little upset."

Freddie sat next to Brian's hip and held one of his hands anxiously. "A little?! Bri tell me right now, when was the last time you ate?" 

He felt like a child being scolded and his answer didn't make any of them happy. Deaky went to wrap himself on Brian's other side, but that only makes Brian cough. Deaky, who was clearly upset about Freddie and Roger earlier, reeked from having chain smoked. He stood up awkwardly, "I'll go see if I can't fetch something in the kitchen for him that won't upset his stomach."

That left Brian with just Freddie and Roger. Freddie was fussing over him, tucking him in with one of their thick blankets, which both makes Brian feel loved and like he's creeping on his friend's purely platonic affection. He felt too miserable to have this conversation, and yet he needed to have it. He also definitely wanted to use his illness as an excuse for having this conversation without being the peak of good manners. "So I heard about the two of you. Congratulations," Now he had an excuse to sound sick and not seem like a terrible friend that wasn't glad for their happiness and newly found love. 

"Oh yes well," Roger looked down and blushed gorgeously. Brian knew that Roger was as pretty on the outside as he was on the inside, so if anyone must have Freddie in their stead at least it would be him. "It's a, um, new development, we haven't quiet um-" They both look at each other across Brian's prone body and look away shyly.

Freddie hadn't straightened his hair today and winds one of the wavy locs around his finger. "We um- We actually wanted to talk you about that- both of you. We didn't mean to kick Deaky out of his room, we just -urm- got a little enthusiastic."

Brian tried to school his face into a blank expression. The good news was as his stomach was already rolling, he's pretty sure he can't actually feel any worse. "It's not a problem. I'm sure Deaky can move and we'll change the room arrangements in the morning."

"Yeah, that's no problem," Deaky said from the doorway, his voice sounded falsely cheery to Brian's ear, but maybe he was just projecting. Roger and Freddie helped move Brian into a slightly reclining position, mostly by sitting him up on Freddie and then onto some pillows. He brought Brian a tray with steeping tea, - Brian didn't even hear the kettle go- toasted sliced bread with butter, some 'soup' and some of their biscuits. Brian can't imagine how he's going to get a single thing down. 

"I didn't know we had soup," Brian questions. In fact, he was pretty sure they didn't, as he had actively and passionately looked for some when he had woken up so sick again this morning.

"We didn't, it's just broth with some dried mushrooms soaked in it," Deaky said softly. It does at least smell good. And Deaky did genuinely sound caring and concerned for Brian. He hoped at least that he could maintain his relationship with their bassist, now that Freddie and Roger's new relationship had thrown a monkey wrench in everything.

"Thank you," Brian answers back weakly as his eyes fall, not to the tray placed in his lap, but to where Freddie and Roger's hands are intertwined. Deaky's eyes follow his and he turns his back on them. Maybe Queen won't be strong enough to survive this. Brian would like to think that they were Queen before Deaky as they looked for a bassist, so they could be Queen after Deaky, but he knows that isn't true. 

As if Deaky's wide set of skills from electrical engineer to accountant isn't enough, there was his grounding, whatever the opposite of a doormat was, personality. Brian truly didn't think they would have band cohesion or that distinct sound fans are starting to love without him. Deaky was truly irreplaceable. Now, how to best communicate this to Deaky with the two love birds in the room.

He dipped the spoon into the soup, but even his hand is shaking. Damn. Maybe if he can't stomach anything tonight, he really should let them send him to the hospital. He sipped it with the intention of making an over-the-top moan to let Deaky know he was appreciated, but Brian doesn't have to fake it. Despite the turmoil in his stomach he was hungry and the savory makeshift soup tastes amazing. 

Deaky turned around and looked at him skeptically, so Brian tried to let the sincerity shine through his eyes. "This is delicious, thank you. I think I should be able to keep this down."

Roger and Freddie beam first at Deaky for his culinary prowess, and then at Brian as though he was a misbehaving toddler that refused to eat his peas. Still, despite the concedencing treatment, Brian can't help but feel warm and fuzzy about their treatment. He has had more than a lifetime of being sickly when he had Hep, and yet he liked the boys fussing, it made him feel treasured. 

He can't even help himself from shifting as he eats, which causes the blanket to fall off of his shoulder. Freddie and Roger's hands come instantly from both sides to tuck it back into place. He looks at Deaky while this happens who was smiling down fondly at him. Even if he could never have Freddie as he wanted, at least he could get him in this way, and maybe that will be enough. He can't tell if it's the soup or these feelings that are warming him from the inside.

Deaky looked like he doesn't want to spoil the mood as he stood there awkwardly. This couch can already barely fit three grown men, especially not with Brian half reclining like he was, and yet Brian wished he would get down on their level instead of leave.

It's clear that John is considering that, his weight was on the ball of his foot, as though he might pivot and leave them, but he doesn't. Instead he crouched down, kneeling on the shag rug and placed a hand over Brian's thigh. 

Freddie smiled down at Deaky and thanked him again for the food. Deaky tried not to look awkward as he accepted the thanks. Freddie instantly knew what subject made Deaky's face look like that because Freddie's next words were, "Oh, and we don't know how permanent, if at all, we want the room swapping to be. First of all, it's so new, it's hard to be sure." Brian was pretty sure that Roger had been in love with Freddie at least since they opened their stand together at the beginning of Smile. 

"And secondly, we don't want to exclude the two of you," Brian and Deaky shared a wide-eyed look at that. It almost sounded like- "You're very important to the both of us too. We're not sure how the logistics would work; like for example, Roger thinks he might kind of want to keep sleeping with girls, at least occasionally, and I don't have anything against that. We might not be able to be everything to everyone but- But as much, however much, we could be to each other," Somehow Freddie managed to look all three of them in the eyes, "I want us to be that for each other."

Brian's jaw fell to the ground and he can't close it. That's- That's crazy. Absolutely crazy. How would that work? What would they tell people? How are they not all going to kill each other in a jealous rage? And yet... And yet Freddie proposed it. There was a reason they all loved Fred. He told them they were going to be rock stars and so they believed. He says they will love each other and so they must believe.


End file.
